While I celebrate Matt and Max’s triumphant finishes, I have to face facts. I did not make the original deadline. And I don’t know that I’m going to have the mental energy for a while to even make a “Real End of Summer” deadline (though I am going to try).
I really wanted to hold on, and lead the troops (all two of them) into the Final Battle. I had drafts upon drafts of inspirational speeches prepared.
But now it is time to admit that a) I didn’t do it and b) that that’s okay. Not to over-Identify with the poor ETA schmucks, but after working at 2 jobs 8 hours a day 7 days a week nonstop for the past 3 weeks, I have to say I think I finally understand what it’s like to be a legit student athlete, at least in terms of those dual commitments. I mean, I was a varsity athlete for two years in high school but that was nowhere near the ETA experience. I found my version of The Show…which, ironically enough, is sort of Showbiz. And I’m doing what I gotta do to get there.
When I really galvanized this project back in the spring, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing come fall. It seemed like a good way to cope with the uncertainty. And then when things started to fall into place for moving to California, there was still a great deal of uncertainty so I clung to this book like a lifeline. And it made for great company, when I was awkwardly sitting at home trying to save money by not socializing, or when I was driving across the country and getting into fights with my sister, or when I bounced around on people’s couches in between job interview after job interview. And I miss it already, and I want to finish it before that feeling is gone.
So I’m giving myself a two week extension or so. Gonna try…god willing…to finish this baby up by the actual end of summer, September 23rd. I’m gonna just take it little by little and see where I get. Because beating myself up over missing out on the Grand Finale makes the book feel like less and less of a comfort. And I don’t want it to become that.
Infinite Summer 2015 